Feeling the lack of contentment
I feel that I am missing something huge right now. I feel that I don’t belong in this company anymore. Going to work everyday feels more and more like an obligation than a call to passion. Going through with everything everyday feels like a heavy task, a pain in the butt that I have to endure because of a wrong decision.
I do not like the feeling that I am doing what I am doing right now because of the money, because then, it’s just a job. A plain boring job that gives nothing back to me. No enjoyment, no fun, no laughter. Just stress and something to worry about! AAAAAAARRR!!! This is getting me nowhere!
I feel like I am the most unsuccessful in our bunch, there I finally said it! My classmates will be (are already) working in one of the country’s top networks while I am here working in an unpopular IT company! With tasks that I do not like. When envy sets in… It is never a good thing. Why? It turned me into a whiner, for one.
I know, I am a hypocrite. I have always told myself that I should be content - at least I have a job. I repeated that thought again tonight while I’m on my way home.
I passed a lady working as a parking attendant, she was situated in a little booth with a small window to see the cars that was coming. I thought it must have been hard to work like that, and the pay must not be good too. I thought at least my workplace provides roof and solid walls that protect me in case of a storm or extreme heat outside. While her workplace is but a cubicle, I don’t know if it’s even sturdy enough to withstand the strong winds during a storm. And the arrogant car owners must be extremely annoying, even more so because they’re right in front of you.
It alleviated my feeling of something missing… for awhile. That’s why I must never be out and about at night. The night is so quiet, it provides me much room to think of the things that could bother me.
And speaking of the night, the next thing I am going to mention got nothing to do with it. :P
Distrustful of “Day Walkers
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I read a blog post earlier in the evening *ahemwhileatworkahem* that this particular person distrusts people who are early risers and it captured my attention because I am one! I love the morning, I love to bask in the 6 or 8 o’clock sun. It gives me warmth and tells me that another new day is ahead of me and something will be going my way! I feel all the energy within me and it makes me happy throughout the day.
And I on the other hand dislike people who loves the night. I guess because I just couldn’t get what could people possibly get out of it. I mean, they rob you of sleep, you couldn’t see the real colors of things because it’s dark. Plus, people who have no good intention proliferates the night (mostly). So, why? Am I missing something by not going to gimmicks and stuff like that?
Some of my classmates before would actually stay at school until, I guess 7 or 8 in the evening… And I don’t get it why they like it that way. They would all be groggy the next day and they’re never early at school. Why?
O, well here I am, blabbering on again. hahaha All I’m trying to say is that night robs me of the thoughts that keep me sane, and doing something I abhor doesn’t help at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if sooner or later I’d feel the need to ask my mother to bring me to PMI (if you get what I mean) wehehehe :P
Don’t you wish that this is all just a dream?
you said it. at least you have a job. my cousins there in the philippines have their degrees (albeit to me they’re stupid degrees) but they can’t find jobs and have resorted to selling tsinela’s to tourists, etc. would you rather be doing that? i highly doubt it. so just thank your lucky stars for now and be patient. something will come along that you’ll like.