Last Leaf Designs | Web Designer » How to make your employees (UN)satisfied

If you’re planning to be an entrepreneur in the future, then let this list of “How to Keep your Employees unsatisfied” guide you into thinking whether you are ready to be “the boss” or not.

1. Give them unreasonably low salary.

   Hey, they’re already lucky they’re getting SOMETHING! If the law doesn’t force me to give money to those minions, I really wouldn’t!
   

2. Don’t accept your employees’ reason (for being absent) they’ve given you even if it’s their reason you’ll ever gonna get.

   I’ll believe whatever I want, I have my own mind, thank you. Heck, I even have my own company! And as such, I believe you to be a lying schmuck, you’re only here for my money! Aaaarrr!

3. Call their houses even though they’ve already called in sick.

   I have to be sure they’re sick and they’re at home right?!

4. Fire them if they’re not at home.

   So what if they’re at the hospital getting cured? They are not at home when I called them!

5. Give their salaries at least 1 day to 2 weeks delayed because they were late and/or absent a couple of times before the cut-off.

   Well, they have to be punished! This is my company,I pay you and I’ll pay you whenever I want to!

6. Make someone follow your employees because they want to have fun after they have already finished working.

   Again, this is my company, I’m paying you, you’re my slaves dammit, is that so hard to understand?!

7. Do not let the present employees to mingle with the former staffs.

   They were fired for a reason and keep on mingling with them so you’d be fired as well!

8. Log their every move.

   I have to know what they’re doing my money and my resources right?! It is my company after all.

9. Put up a rule banning everything.

   You’re here to work, work, WORK so you’d get a measly sum of money you call salary and I’d get to have tons of wealth I call fruits of my labor! Bwahahaha!

10. Give a “reward” to whoever turns in a fellow employee.

    (e.g. Former employee went out with Employee 1, Employee 2 sees them together. Employee 2 turns employee 1 to the owner. Employee 2 gets a rewards of some hundred taxable bonus, while employee 1 gets sacked. or suspended.) They have done a fine job of being a traitor, Judas was given loads of golds, isn’t he? Why wouldn’t I give golds to my employees’ Judas as well?

11. Make your employees’ bonuses taxable.

    What? Do you really think I am that stupid to just give my money away so easily? Ha! Nosiree!

12. Promise a training, but don’t give any.

    How will I be able to add yet another deductible in their payslips if not for this “training” which constitutes reading online tutorials? Think Man!

13. Hold your employees hostage because of the said “training”. (Read: Through the use of cash bond).

    Come on! At least they learned something! It’s hard to find employees every month just because the darn employees keeps on resigning!

14. Differ the amount being deducted from the amount being added to their salaries. Make the deduction higher.

    Gain is the name of the game, baby! And besides, it is my company afterall!

15. Suspend an employee without a memo.

    Have I already said that this is MY company? If not then let me tell you, this is my company! my money is being used here people! And when someone makes a fool out of me that person has to be punished - nuff said.

NOTE: This is sarcastic, a joke and should be treated as such, if you’re being described in this post then let me tell you this: CLOSE YOUR DARN COMPANY ALREADY! Thank you.