Last Leaf Designs | Web Designer » 22 years later

36 hours ago, another year has passed in my life and I am now 22. I was only planning to have some day off and relax, treat myself with something but my parents decided that I should have some of my friends to come over. It was weird, I have to tell you, the last time that I have them in my house was four years ago. So anyway, I invited all 6 of them but only 2 came, what can I say, they’re all busy heh. I didn’t mind it that much though because I decided that I should be more “understanding” and if they can’t come, they can’t, there’s little I could do about it, is there? They did sent me messages though and I was laughing to myself yesterday because a lot more people greeted me online than through text, whattaloser.

I wish I could say something serious and knowledgeable like when Becca turned 22 but alas, I couldn’t because all I was thinking yesterday was how am I supposed to indulge myself with my nightly dose of movies when they (my mother and my brothers and sisters) don’t want to connect the cable to the TV because they said I don’t get to sleep early. Sheesh, how petty.

The past month or so, I felt so down thinking that I will be 22 in a few weeks and I still haven’t done anything very significant, I was in this state that I overlooked the fact that I haven’t done anything that significant because I’m not doing anything at all. I always have this notion that whatever I want, as long as I set my mind on it, I know I’ll definitely get - and I have this feeling that the reason why I’m not taking anything so seriously is because of that, I can still get it, not matter what. It’s stupid, really, I should be more serious, I’m not getting any younger!

Last week, my friend and I had an argument about here being a no-show whenever we ask her on a night out. It ended with her saying that she’s so depressed she’s thinking if God’s mad at her or if she did something so wrong to Him that’s why she did not pass her board exam. At the time I was so pissed with her so I told her not to drag God in our conversation because it’s not His fault that the blow was so hard on her because she wouldn’t relax, not even one bit. We couldn’t even see her for more than two hours while she was reviewing that we joked around her saying that she better not fail her exam or else we’ll laugh at her, what do you know, I think we’re jinxed.

Going back to what she said, I have always believed that whatever happens to me, it’s because of my stupid sense of decision-making and nothing else. Yes, I do believe there’s a God, but I just can’t go with her train of thought that He’s punishing her for something she did. I have turned my back on religion for so long but I still can’t get my mind to think that God is the kind who punishes people.

It’s probably because of what I read when I was younger. The story was about an actress who lost her arm due to an accident, she went to somewhere remote and it is where she asked God why it happened to her and what she did to deserve something like that. Then she met someone else, she lost both her feet, when the actress knew what happened to her, she told her, “Why do you think this happened to us? We don’t deserve this.” After a while, the woman who lost both her legs told the other, “When this happened to me, that was how I reacted as well, but then I realized that there are people who are worse than I am. That is when I started to ask a different question.” The actress asked what is that and she got the answer, “I started to ask, what should I do now? You put me in this situation, what do You want me to do?” Then she went away, a few days later, the actress learned that the one who lost both her legs was an even bigger celebrity who left the show business because of an accident.

So with my friend, I told her to take some time off just to relax and go whenever we ask her out because it’s not as if we go out every night or every week, do we? I don’t think she understood though, she still didn’t come yesterday.

Sometimes I wish I could be young again, being a grown up is hard with all the problems and responsibilities I have to think about. I feel that I have never really enjoyed my childhood that much and if I could only turn back the time then I would definitely make the most out of it. But, I hate being an escapist. So I should stop.

Stop about it, don’t regret and move forward. It’s my fault that I’m too shy, it’s my fault that I’ve always wanted to be older so I could buy that Sailormoon toy I’ve always wanted, watch all the Disney movies I could get my hands on and so I could have the Barbie doll I’ve been asking mama for the longest time.

22 years, sometimes I think how I was able to go through life for 22 years when a year seems like a lifetime already. Ah life…

Anyway, thanks to these people who remembered! :D

Joni -Do you really have to greet me in every social network we’re both in? hehe And thanks for greeting me on your blog ha! :D

Becca - You had me almost to tears with what you said, I was deeply touched, I am your fan and I never thought I’m a friend to you, you’re my favorite geek ever too! :D I miss you, post something will you? :)

Raye, Ia, Jaypee, MS. Janette, Mike, Cedric, Julie, Karla and Joiz. oh, and how can I forget Shari?