Last Leaf Designs | Web Designer » How to sleep early

A post formerly known as “This Week in Hell.” Renaming was in order because I failed yet again, to blog about this during the week that I’m feeling hellish. Literally.

Four weeks ago, I told my mother that I want to go somewhere for a while. I don’t really care who I go with or if I’m alone as long as I get a vacation. What do you know? I got a one day off from work the next Monday because I had a hard time breathing the day before!

Really, when I say I want a vacation, I actually mean vacation where I could relax and not because I’m sick! :(

So anyway, let’s move on to what this post really is about. Sleeping early and here’s how to do it, oh yeah, before that, here’s what you need:

• Really pushy parents
• A job where you could work at home
• Really understanding bosses and officemates

So anyway, to the steps! Here we go:

1. Do not have enough sleep for 3 straight weeks. First week because you’re waiting for a certain TV show, yes this is not limited to Law and Order CI and Law and Order re-runs. You could watch other TV shows you’re addicted to. Second week should be because someone in your family died. And for the 3rd week, nothing in particular. You just can’t sleep. So there we’ve laid the foundation.
2. Ignore the signs that your body is telling you. When you’re having a hard time breathing, ignore it! You’re healthy, you shouldn’t have any worries.
3. Have a breakdown. Have a hard time breathing. And when I say hard, it means you literally have to curse everyone on the planet for taking the air that you should be breathing.

   While in that state, cry for every petty reasons: you have to go to the doctor, you have to be confined in the hospital, etc. Also, don’t forget to imagine what you want to happen in your wake, e.g. you want all of your office mates there as well as the people you’ve met online and they would automatically say the good stuff about you after the mass even if it’s not in the program. (Just in case, don’t forget to tell the other people in the wake that I’m a very nice person, OK? :) ) Don’t forget to wonder whether or not these said people will be attending your burial and whether or not they will cry for real or just for show. Be happy that they might do those things.

4. Have an X-Ray and while waiting for the results have a debate with your mom whether or not the doctor who just passed by is gay or not. Be determined that he’s not and he might be your next boyfriend. This of course is only in your dreams. By the way, this is an optional step.
5. Have the doctor tell you that you are suffering from over fatigue (which your sister will later tell you that you’re not supposed to get that because you’re not a celebrity, if you don’t have a sibling, any random stranger will do) and you might have a Respiratory Tract Infection. Tell the doctor that you can’t sleep. The doctor will give you a pill that can help you sleep. It’s not a sleeping pill! It will just relax you so you could sleep. Yeah, I thought it’s the same thing too but whatever.
6. This is when the pushy parents will come in. As soon as the clock hits 9 in the evening. Have your parents nag you that you’re not supposed to sleep later than 9 and that you should drink your “relaxing pill” and that sleep is important.

Congratulations! One week of that and you’ll be asleep by 10 in the evening and awake by 6 or 7 in the morning and you’ll be bored to death because all of them are still asleep or just slept! Be wary of allergies though, make sure that you are not allergic to antibiotics, also make sure that you have destroyed every karaoke machines in your area so that you could sleep really soundly the first week. :)