Feeling Inadequate
Note: This is a very negative and emo post so go away if you don’t want your day to be ruined. :)
Syndeo’s moving kinda fast these days, what with the mini apps that was pushed out the door by Luis and Jason for the past couple of weeks and now with syndeolabs, I got the feeling that I’m just so inadequate. I feel somewhat lacking and my knowledge is not up to par.
I am trying to read a lot of stuff for the past couple of weeks so I could catch up a little but I can only do so much between getting sick, sleeping, eating and being lazy.
Seriously though, I don’t think it’s a problem with time, I know that if you really want to do something, you’d make time for it no matter what because it is important to you. But somehow, I can’t seem to be focused on anything. It seems that I’m trying to do a lot of stuff in the shortest possible time only ending up with being able to finish nothing at all.
I’m reading a book about Information Architecture, before I could finish the first 5 chapters I want to move on to Ambient Findability, then I’d read up on Ruby on Rails but then I’d remember something about PhP and try to look it up and it would seem too complicated that I’d just end up reading the newest replies in Plurk.
I just don’t know what I want anymore.
The saddest part is when, one day, I actually wondered if this is really, or rather still, the path that I want to take and I felt even more lost. I suddenly felt like a teenager all over again where I would question who I really am and petty stuff like that. I thought that I’d just let it go and just wait for that day when lightning will strike and I’d get that eureka moment. Then I’d know what I want to focus on.
It’s pointless. *sigh*
It’s not that I’m not happy with the current situation that I am in now, it just… feels that I’m not worthy of anything. I know I said I’d stop feeling negative but I just can’t brush off something that I’ve been feeling for quite a while now.
I feel so little and worthless, inferior, inadequate and all that shit. I need to get out, why are my friends always busy when I need them? :(
I’m here for you! Let’s meet up and I’ll build you up, buttercup.
I wanna go somewhere, can we just go out and have fun and forget all the serious stuff? :(
I know how you feel. Just try to focus on doing what you enjoy, or something completely distracting. ^__^
So that’s why I couldn’t get hold of you.
Dami ko pa naman “aching heart” kwento LOL
Seriously, you are trying to learn too much too soon, and trying to learn different things that require various mindset pre-requisites. You’ll burn yourself out nga and still not feel adequate enough to duke it out with specialists.
It’s not you. It’s time. You can’t rush genius.
Yan, my first post on your blog :)
Hello Mae!
That’s just part of the evolution of expanding your skillset. Low-grade stress is normal, but I believe you’ll snap out of your funk. :)
Like what ia said, try focusing on something you find joy in. :D
I think I’m gona copypaste and rephrase your blog and post it on my own blog tonight, heee!! Heyyy. You said you want to forget the serious stuff, but if you feel you want to talk about this some more, and rant, and be emo and negative — at least with someone who feels exactly the same — I’m here. Then we can be sad together, haha. >:D<
Pero pramis, panalo to: “I’m reading a book about Information Architecture, before I could finish the first 5 chapters I want to move on to Ambient Findability, then I’d read up on Ruby on Rails but then I’d remember something about PhP and try to look it up and it would seem too complicated that I’d just end up reading the newest replies in Plurk.”
HAHA. :)
Also, I wish I could try to be what Ia and Regnard are trying to say, pero HAHA, ang hirap kaya nun. :P
ia: I enjoy sleeping, can I focus on that? :P Just kidding, it makes me feel good that I’m not alone in this feeling :)
Mike: Ha! Imbisibol lang ako :P
I know I’m not supposed to rush but yun nga.. I’m unsure on what I want to prioritize :( But I think I have the idea now, I just need the motivation :D I miss talking to you na, kaso lagi mo ko inaaway! >:C
Regnard: Hey! Thanks for the comment :D
Yeah, I’m forcing myself to get out of it now, I hate being down :( And yes, I’ll do what you and Ia said :)
Rhiz: LOL mapapaaga ba yung monthly thing natin? I don’t mind >:D<
The reason why I don’t want to talk about it in person is because I’m pretty sure I’d just sit there, being annoyingly shy and won’t say anything else aside from, “ayun… yun na yun eh… anyway, musta ka na?” :P
You know, when I re-read that paragraph I did laugh too and it’s weird, because when I was typing that yesterday I was very, very serious hahaha, what the hell’s wrong me , noh? :P
kasi bad influence ang plurk haha…i-kape na natin yan :) do yoga, meditate , relax and then malalaman mo din sagot soon…
It’s not that you’re inadequate, Mae. It’s just that those guys you mentioned are superhuman. Lol. Sa totoo lang, ganyan din naffeel ko. Ang tamad-tamad ko rin mag-aral talaga! haha.
Ok lang yan, bata ka pa. Marami pa pwedeng mangyari at pwedeng matutunan. ;)
I’ve been feeling the same way lately, that I’m not ~geek enough~. I started reading up on Python some weeks ago but I only made it til that part where it tells you how to install it. Meh.
And yeah, what Joni said. Your co-workers are unbelievable -_-
@helga, you know what, whenever someone tells me that I’m geek I feel so guilty that I’m besmirching all the “real geeks” out there because … I don’t get Star Wars… among other things (petty, huh? :P)
haha I couldn’t get past the introduction of Rails too! :D
re they being unbelievable: I’m starting to think that one’s intake of alcohol and cigarette is directly proportional to how superhuman you get. hehe they are indeed amazing and I’m so proud of them :D
(ahem) i’m entering this conversation kinda late, and i know that this is mostly an emotional discussion, but i’m gonna go ahead and throw in some rationalization anyway:
you need to remember that you’ve only just started in this industry, and you’ve got a heck of a lot more years of learning and growing ahead of you. my knowledge of front-end was nowhere near where yours is currently at, at that age, and i’m sure that you’ll be in an even stronger position 3 or 4 years down the road. that of course, assumes that you _stick_ with it. (i don’t have to tell you that hard work > all, because you know that already.)
i wouldn’t stress about this too much. it’s good that you self-evaluate every now and then, but not to the point of frustrating yourself ;)
Might as well pitch in too (even though super late). You might have gotten through this. But let’s just imagine i’m commenting early, around aug 23. haha!
I was just thinking, hey, what’s the rush? i mean you’re 22 and young. heck I even know designers out there who can just do PSD but didn’t bother slice it to CSS/xHTML. WTH! It’s even great that you’re able to understand basic ERB and if’s and else’s.
but anyway, here’s an EMO comment. there’s this thing about and I bet luis is in agreement with me here. SyndeoLabs = isn’t just what you’ve mentioned, me & luis. It’s everyone of us and all credit goes to everyone.
I guess everyone has their share of that experience, opposite of you. some 3 weeks ago I’ve been ranting about wanting to learn photoshop better. But the difference maybe that I’m doing it one at time.
Anyway, i guess the real deal will be is… sticking more with the cute guys and give yourself better sleep!
Jason and Luis: Thanks guys, (I love you all talaga :’( )
Maybe I really am pushing myself to do a lot of things in a very short period of time. Thanks for your comments I remembered that there was once a time when I thought I’d want to be the best in CSS. I still want to learn RoR but I guess I’d have to be more patient from now on. :D
Hi Mae,
Just go on with what you like to do and enjoy… But don’t don’t forget to focus on one or two things only… u can expand your horizon later on when the main thing is stable already… Just take one step at a time.. I would just like to share with you Psalm 127:1… And always make Him the priority in everything you do…. God Bless… I’ll email you soon.
Looks like you’re experiencing that “burn out” feeling from all the stress. Solution is very simple though… you need to take a deep breath and relax a bit :) Go to Boracay or something with your friends! And try not to get too many project (except from us!! hehe)…
Kami ni Gail, target namin is to “de-stress” at least once a month by going to over the weekend out of town trips together with fellow bloggers.
And oh, another tip is try to get involve in something you’ve never tried before like sports! or maybe photography! :)