The planning of the web design conference is moving at a steady pace (I believe) and to be able to finalize some things, we decided to conduct a survey for the people who make web sites in the Philippines. We would really appreciate it if you would take time in answering it. :)

Mini Web Design Conference

We thought that it would be nice to have a mini event for web designers before the main conference and that’s why we’re inviting you to attend the <form> function() & .class Mini Web design Conference, details below.

What:
Mini Web Design Conference (sign up now since the place can only hold 50 people) (view who’s going to attend)
Theme - design! (color theory, typography, grid, etc)
(It’s BarCamp style, meaning anybody who wants to talk can talk. And it’s really casual. For us, by us.)

Who:
Anybody!

When:
Friday, October 31, 6:00 PM

Where:
G2VC TechBar, Orient Square Bldg., Ortigas

How much:
FREE!

There’s Philippine Blog Awards and iBlog (bloggers), BarCamp and WordCamp (programmers, fine, WordCamp’s for bloggers too), SEMCON (SEO/SEM) and Graphika Manila.

Why, pray do tell, don’t we have an event for web designers? That’s the question from a fellow blogger, designer, and standardista, Ia, a call which was, surprisingly, answered by lots of interested and enthusiastic web designers. Apparently, it’s been in the minds of other people but no one’s making it happen.

We’re a bunch of newbies when it comes to event planning but after the initial meeting last Friday Thursday (how can I confuse the day) with Ia, Regnard, Joni, Sarah, Marco, Jolo, Rico and Kin, I’m very positive that we will see this through.

If you want to help in any way, you can contact any of us. We will need sponsors, a name for the event (yeah, yeah) and we’re also thinking of turning ourselves into an official organization, if you have any idea how we can do that please do let us know.

Why, oh why do I always think that having a haircut can boost my confidence and why do I always forget the fact that my hair will only look good short while I’m in the salon and by the time I go out there, it’d be going at every which way except curving towards my face?!

Oh yeah, my hair’s too long at the front, I need the bangs because I’m getting annoyed whenever it gets in the way of my reading and/or working.

Ate, that hair isn’t supposed to be on that side.

“Bumabalik sa kabila” (It keeps on going the other way), the hairdresser said while laughing weakly. I’ve never been the best conversationalist — how do you make small talk with hairdressers? — so I just smiled meekly and said, “Oo nga eh”.

It’s because it’s supposed to be there. Oh well, whatever suits you, as if I’m an expert when it comes to hair, if I could have my way, I’d chop the darn thing off and just buy a wig instead. Actually, I’ve been mulling the idea for quite some time now and it doesn’t sound so bad. Only, I have to take care of it. I suck at taking care of things, if someone would give me a hamster, after the initial “Oh, it’s so cute, I’m going to take a very good care of it!” promise, I’d forget it’s even there.

Ha-ha I’m so witty, I think I should write a novel. How do I start? I should draw from my experiences. Experiences, experiences. Right, I live a dull life. Fine, they said authors write about other people’s experiences. Other people’s experiences. Think, think, dammit.

Sheesh, their lives are all the same, they fall in and out of love. 9/10 women I know are and/or have been involved with men who doesn’t know what fidelity means. Not to mention that I haven’t been in contact with any of my friends except for the usual kamustahan through text for… what the hell, has it been more than 2 months already?! *sigh* I should be more attentive –

Darn, my face looks fat! I knew I should stop binge eating and I should really start exercising again. Oh man, it’s so tiring, but I swear I’ll start tomorrow. Bah! Forget that I swore to myself that I’ll start living healthy a few weeks ago. I’ll really stick to it this time.

I swear. Tomorrow. I’ll start.

I hope.

Shoot, is my nose always this large? I thought Asians aren’t supposed to have freckles? Oh, it’s just hair.

I hate mall-wide sales. People are always crowding in malls, it’s suffocating, it makes me want to just buy the things my mother asked me and go home straight.

Is it just me or whenever there’s a sale, it seems as if everyone’s in a frenzy and it makes me feel as if I have to buy something. Anything. Just so I could justify that I was able to “save money”. As if.

I wonder, is everyone’s life really fast-paced these days? I wonder how many emails I got. I should really unwind sometime, I wonder if I could go to Baguio or Boracay, maybe Puerto. I wonder if I could really relax though, I noticed recently that I can’t slow down anymore. I wonder if this is some kind of a disease, that’s it, I’m paranoid. Stop it.

I wonder if I should buy a hair dryer, not that I’d know how to use it properly. Or that I’ll ever be bothered to use it after a week of my buying it.

Why is she patting my hair as if she’s expecting me to position my face at an angle, smile widely and say “OMG IS THAT ME?! I ABSOLUTELY LOOK FAB! I ALMOST COULDN’T RECOGNIZE MYSELF!” when all I could see is me. With a shorter hair. And bangs that is still a little too long for me. Whatever, it’s fine, it’s fine.

When I walked out of the salon, I looked at my reflection as I passed by a store and a single thought came across me before I decided to stop looking at my reflection and get on with my tasks.

“Shit. My bangs looks like Sailor Moon’s. Why did I cut my hair again?”

After the outburst last week, I’ve settled down and decided to just stop for a while and finish the things I need to (as if there’ll ever be an end to it) and tread to wherever I want to be at a slower pace. Anyway, I just want to share and thanks to all who replied! I really appreciated it. :)

Syndeo’s moving kinda fast these days, what with the mini apps that was pushed out the door by Luis and Jason for the past couple of weeks and now with syndeolabs, I got the feeling that I’m just so inadequate. I feel somewhat lacking and my knowledge is not up to par.

I am trying to read a lot of stuff for the past couple of weeks so I could catch up a little but I can only do so much between getting sick, sleeping, eating and being lazy.

Seriously though, I don’t think it’s a problem with time, I know that if you really want to do something, you’d make time for it no matter what because it is important to you. But somehow, I can’t seem to be focused on anything. It seems that I’m trying to do a lot of stuff in the shortest possible time only ending up with being able to finish nothing at all.

I’m reading a book about Information Architecture, before I could finish the first 5 chapters I want to move on to Ambient Findability, then I’d read up on Ruby on Rails but then I’d remember something about PhP and try to look it up and it would seem too complicated that I’d just end up reading the newest replies in Plurk.

I just don’t know what I want anymore.

The saddest part is when, one day, I actually wondered if this is really, or rather still, the path that I want to take and I felt even more lost. I suddenly felt like a teenager all over again where I would question who I really am and petty stuff like that. I thought that I’d just let it go and just wait for that day when lightning will strike and I’d get that eureka moment. Then I’d know what I want to focus on.

It’s pointless. *sigh*

It’s not that I’m not happy with the current situation that I am in now, it just… feels that I’m not worthy of anything. I know I said I’d stop feeling negative but I just can’t brush off something that I’ve been feeling for quite a while now.

I feel so little and worthless, inferior, inadequate and all that shit. I need to get out, why are my friends always busy when I need them? :(

A post formerly known as “This Week in Hell.” Renaming was in order because I failed yet again, to blog about this during the week that I’m feeling hellish. Literally.

Four weeks ago, I told my mother that I want to go somewhere for a while. I don’t really care who I go with or if I’m alone as long as I get a vacation. What do you know? I got a one day off from work the next Monday because I had a hard time breathing the day before!

Really, when I say I want a vacation, I actually mean vacation where I could relax and not because I’m sick! :(

So anyway, let’s move on to what this post really is about. Sleeping early and here’s how to do it, oh yeah, before that, here’s what you need:

• Really pushy parents
• A job where you could work at home
• Really understanding bosses and officemates

So anyway, to the steps! Here we go:

1. Do not have enough sleep for 3 straight weeks. First week because you’re waiting for a certain TV show, yes this is not limited to Law and Order CI and Law and Order re-runs. You could watch other TV shows you’re addicted to. Second week should be because someone in your family died. And for the 3rd week, nothing in particular. You just can’t sleep. So there we’ve laid the foundation.
2. Ignore the signs that your body is telling you. When you’re having a hard time breathing, ignore it! You’re healthy, you shouldn’t have any worries.
3. Have a breakdown. Have a hard time breathing. And when I say hard, it means you literally have to curse everyone on the planet for taking the air that you should be breathing.

   While in that state, cry for every petty reasons: you have to go to the doctor, you have to be confined in the hospital, etc. Also, don’t forget to imagine what you want to happen in your wake, e.g. you want all of your office mates there as well as the people you’ve met online and they would automatically say the good stuff about you after the mass even if it’s not in the program. (Just in case, don’t forget to tell the other people in the wake that I’m a very nice person, OK? :) ) Don’t forget to wonder whether or not these said people will be attending your burial and whether or not they will cry for real or just for show. Be happy that they might do those things.

4. Have an X-Ray and while waiting for the results have a debate with your mom whether or not the doctor who just passed by is gay or not. Be determined that he’s not and he might be your next boyfriend. This of course is only in your dreams. By the way, this is an optional step.
5. Have the doctor tell you that you are suffering from over fatigue (which your sister will later tell you that you’re not supposed to get that because you’re not a celebrity, if you don’t have a sibling, any random stranger will do) and you might have a Respiratory Tract Infection. Tell the doctor that you can’t sleep. The doctor will give you a pill that can help you sleep. It’s not a sleeping pill! It will just relax you so you could sleep. Yeah, I thought it’s the same thing too but whatever.
6. This is when the pushy parents will come in. As soon as the clock hits 9 in the evening. Have your parents nag you that you’re not supposed to sleep later than 9 and that you should drink your “relaxing pill” and that sleep is important.

Congratulations! One week of that and you’ll be asleep by 10 in the evening and awake by 6 or 7 in the morning and you’ll be bored to death because all of them are still asleep or just slept! Be wary of allergies though, make sure that you are not allergic to antibiotics, also make sure that you have destroyed every karaoke machines in your area so that you could sleep really soundly the first week. :)

I thought maybe it’s time to change. And this time it’s for real.

Close your eyes and jump. Don’t think twice. Don’t regret.
Then, you’ve lived.

Bye Grandma

My grandmother, our beloved matriarch, died last Monday. When we, my siblings, cousins and I, went to visit her, I realized how much I hate them for talking to her as if she’s already dead. I hate the fact that they’re telling us to kiss her as though that will be the last time for us to do so. Maybe I’m on denial, but it’s because I still want her here.

The next day, my mom called from the hospital crying telling me to make sure to do the errands she asked me so she’d have less to think about — and I knew.

For quite sometime after that phone call, I felt like the entire world was mourning with us. It was 3 in the afternoon but the whole place was so quiet. When was the last time it happened?

Grandma and I were never close, I was never close with any of my relatives actually, but I got to talk to her from time to time. She’s strong and level-headed and is not nosy on other people’s businesses because she’d rather mind her own. She would never side with you even though you’re crying because it doesn’t always mean that you’re right but she’s still very, very, very caring with her children. It’s not obvious though.

It amuses me that whenever someone passes away, people felt that they need to say everything that’s good about the person. Even though they know that the person they’re describing won’t be able to appreciate what they’ve been telling others.

I don’t believe in regret. You’ve done something knowing that it was right at that time, you’ve done it consciously so you have no right to want to take it back. But now, I feel that I regret not being able to say “I love you” to my grandma. I’ve never told my paternal grandma how much I loved her too. I never learn do I?

I did told my mom that I love her while I was embracing her yesterday. Then I realized why I’ve never done that. We’re really not showy people, blame my grandfathers for my parents being shy in showing what they feel and teaching us that too.

My maternal grandfather was Chinese (actually both my grandfathers were Chinese, my paternal grandfather died when my father was in grade 6 though) and my maternal grandma was a Cebuana (my paternal grandma was an Ilocana and today’s her death anniversary). It always puzzles me whenever I think how they communicate with each other. A Chinese who couldn’t speak a coherent string of Filipino words, a Cebuana who doesn’t know a thing about speaking in Chinese, yet they were able to stay together until my grandfather’s death.

I don’t remember if my grandmother cried. I assume she did.

I just realized just how self-centered people could become in their time of grief. Who would’ve known?

Loving and Losing

I always tell people that I don’t believe in love. That love only exists to hurt you and there are no honest loves because I’m surrounded by people injured by it.

Honestly, I’m lying. My parents have been together for 24 years (tomorrow is their anniversary, how nice, no?). They’ve been together for 10 years before they decided to tie the knot.

My maternal grandparents have been together, as I’ve said before, until my grandfather’s death. After my paternal grandfather died, my grandmother did not marry anyone again.

I’ve managed to convince myself that they never existed. That it’s better to think and expect bitter endings than happy ever after so that it will lessen the disappointment and hurt you’re bound to feel. Why did I come up with such a stupid resolution?

I just realized how sad my grandmother was when my grandfather died. I’ve never thought of my parents as 2 individuals actually. They’ve always been one. I don’t want to think what would happen to the other if the other went away. We’ve been too dependent on one another that it’s hard to think we could still move on if one went missing.

How vulnerable.

On Change

I’ve always known why I hate change, because it messes up other’s perspective of you. I feel that one could go on in their entire life without making any changes. But sometimes change is necessary.

• Don’t think of what other people think. Not all of the time at least, because it’s how you perceive yourself that’s important.
• Always think of the positive things in everything. If you can’t find one, make it up and make sure that you convince yourself so you’d feel better.
• Be decisive!

So now that all the sad stuff has been released I’m ready to enjoy life. Yay for change! :)

Life is short, make it sweet.

That’s what I did and look what happened.

I now resemble Willy Wonka, the difference is that he looks better than me. And mine’s flatter. And he looks like he’s a serial murderer who will eat Charlie once his grandpa looks away.

Since I got home, I’ve been pestering my family members on whether it really suits me or not. My brothers and sisters all told me that it doesn’t look good while my parents, being the loving and supportive parents that they are, told me that it looks good on me and it’s nice to see me having a short hair again.

I miss my long hair now. So that’s one death.

June 20, the pink mac that was assigned to me died. It just won’t open. I waited for hours and hours but it still won’t open. I used the desktop and logged in to the office mail and told Raymond that the mac won’t start. We couldn’t find a solution. The next day I went to Power Mac Center in Trinoma and nothing was done, I just got a backup of the files that I think is important that time which is not that much.

Monday came and Luis and I went to the office to resurrect the pink mac but it just vomits the Leopard installer, so it remained dead. He told me to bring to the Power Mac Center in Greenbelt and in the meantime, he let me use his MacBook Pro so I could close some bugs. I would’ve brought the pink mac in PMC in Greenbelt that day but I haven’t had enough sleep since Friday because:

• I was worried that the mac won’t be resurrected
• Typhoon Frank + Brownout = Need I say more?

So Tuesday morning, I woke up earlier than usual and brought the pink mac hoping that something can still be done. After an hour (or so) the tech guy went out of the room and gave the pink mac back to me alive and well! Yay!

I had to say goodbye to him though because he’s overheating now and so Luis gave me a new white (currently dirty white) MacBook which is faster (it loads up Parallels in a flash, it’s amazing), has more storage space and is cleaner (for now) but somehow I still miss the pink MacBook. Right now, he’s sitting beside the Windows machine. What lonely life he has now. :(

Amidst all these, I realized how dependent I’ve been to the macbook about everything. I never memorized my usernames and passwords, all the conversations are in Adium (why can’t Yahoo! save the chat conversations just like in GMail?!), the FTP accounts I need are in Cyberduck. But, well, that’s that and we can’t do anything about it now, can we? So I just promised myself that I will never let that happen again. I promise to take a very good care of you now, The Mac II. :)

J: Wawa naman si Mae, mag-isang babae lang (chuckles)
Me: Tagal ko ng mag-isang babae ngayon mo lang napansin? (laughs)

J: Kape tayo, pero yoko na sa Starbucks, nagsasawa na ko eh.
E: Tara Starbucks tayo.
Me: (laughs) ayaw niya na nga sa Starbucks eh.
J: Sawa na nga ko dun tapos dun mo pa ko yayayain (laughs)

L: No Mae! He’s supposed to be dead already.
Me: Eh I want him alive! Yaan mo na.
L: No, he’s dead already. You’re not supposed to do that.
[...]
E: Parang there’s no logical reason bakit siya natutulog sa coffin.
L: Kaya nga eh (laughs)
Me: I want him aliiiiiive!
[...]
Me: Hala wala na nagdugtong.. nalulungkot na ko.
L: Eh kasi pinatay na nga binuhay mo pa eh…
Me: (murmur) Eh para nga masaya eh… :(

L: I don’t want to have an office cat anymore.
R: We have an office cat?

J: Wow, nagugutom ako.
L: Nagulat ka? Kami hindi eh.
Laughs

Some friends I have

B: Sabi ni [friend name] mag-ingat daw ako kasi baka i-hambalos mo yung CPU sakin
Me: Grabe, ganun ba ako ka-brutal??
B: (paused then laughed out loud)

B: Sinabihan ko nga si [friend name] na magkikita tayo ngayon, gusto niya sumama, sabi ko alam mo namang mabigat dugo sayo ni Mae ngayon tapos magpapakita ka.
Me: Napaka-salbahe ko naman!
(nagtext)

Family Life

P: Sino huling gumamit ng PC sa taas? Bakit bumagal yun?
Me: Mabagal naman po talaga yun ah.
P: Lalong bumagal eh.
Me: May ibabagal pa po pala yun?! Wow ha.
[..]
P: Bakit bumagal yung PC sa taas? Ano dinowload mo dun?
A: Hala, nag-friendster lang ako dun.
P: Eh ano yung mga pic na andun?
A: Pic ko lang yun.
P: Sabi na nga ba kaya nagka-virus eh! Sabing wag mo lalagay picture mo dun eh.
A: (shouts) Mama si Papa ooooooooh!!!

L: Achie bakit ka aalis ng may throw pillow sa tyan? Ilabas mo yan!
M: laughs out loud
Me: Mama oooohhh… Inaaway po nila ako! :(

It’s just a small crowd though, less than 20. Sure, it didn’t go as smoothly as when I was imagining it but I guess I did well (I hope). It was my first, and I’m glad that I had that kind of experience (thanks Sir Regnard!), and as such, I’ve got a lot of blunders. These are the things that I learned after the talk.

1. Know your audience

   When my officemates knew that I will be having a talk (a day before! LOL), Jason and Luis both told me that they always ask about the attendees first. Are they tech people? Businessmen? That way they could taylor their talk based on that. Unfortunately, I knew what kind of people will be attending my talk a few minutes before and that sent me to frenzy and made me decide to code a design on the spot because I stupidly expected something different. Such a moron.

2. Let the pros know right away and ask for tips

   When I was preparing the HTML for the “on-the-spot PSD-XHTML conversion”, I realized that if only Luis and the guys have known about it sooner rather than later, I could’ve gotten a lot more advice and have felt more confident that I could come out of unscathed.

3. Do come prepared, chords laptop and all

   Believe it or not, I almost left the laptop at home (iknowrite!) and thought twice whether I should bring the monitor connector with me or not. Good thing I did, I changed my presentation and thought that I should close some bugs while I was at the building LOL, otherwise, I would’ve been boring and unprepared.

4. Your practice just gives you an idea on the points you want to tackle

   I practiced the night before, it sounds so stupid and I felt stupider than usual but I got this notion that I really won’t be able to go through with the talk the next day if I didn’t practice that night. The end result was that I couldn’t sleep til 6 in the morning because O kept imagining all the bad things that might happen.

5. Expect the worst case scenario

   This is my all-time favorite tip, maybe that’s the reason with all these negativity no? Thankfully, I did not trip while talking (I can’t stay at the same place when I’m nervous), I did not pass out in the middle of the talk and there are only minor mishaps like the sliding door for the navigation bar did not work LOL.

6. It’s hard to talk while styling a website

   Either it’s because I’ve been talking nonstop for more than 2 hours already or I really, really don’t like to explain myself while doing something. I barely stopped myself from telling the attendees to just watch me and they’ll understand what each property does LOL. And, if I may add, it’s hard to talk while coding specially when your hands are getting numb because the room’s so cold.

   By the way, I just realized this that day, but coding relaxes me for some reason. I was preparing the HTML a few minutes before my actual talk. Before I did that, I was shaking, very afraid, on the verge of tears and was very close to saying that I can’t go through with it. Then I remembered to create the HTML file to save some time, then my fear lessened. Amazing, seriously!

7. Do not end your presentation with “Ayun, Tapos na, thanks!”

   Need I say more? LOL In my usual stupid self, I prepared an opening statement (which I was not able to deliver that well) but I promptly forgot what I’ll say after.

8. It feels nice to be appreciated even by the attendees even if it’s the same person who slept through your presentation

   Someone in front of me slept for a few minutes (or was that closer to an hour?) while I was talking in front of him and I wanted to laugh out loud because of the absurdity of the situation. Here we are, in a small room, I directly in front him, he in the middle of sub-20 attendees and he actually slept so openly. He did woke up while I was talking about CSS and HTML though. Also, he was the one who asked all the questions.

9. Do go and thank the person who invited you in person

   I was so happy the talk was over and done with and now I could finally rest and work normally that I went home right after. When I got home I remembered that I should’ve gone to Julbert Tornea of Fiera de Manila and thanked him in person instead of text because what I did was rude. I should’ve asked if Sir Regnard was there too.

10. You know the Nike tagline? Yes, “Just do it”

    Days before the talk, I thought that I should just back out because I’m not really suited to talk about blog design. Heck, I don’t even consider myself that good with it and if you think about it, there’s Gail, Joni, Ia and Dino who’s way better than I am. But then I thought, what I’ve always thought when considering doing something new, when will I be ready and what if this kind of opportunity never happens again?

    When it was time for me to talk already, I took a deep breath and prayed that all will go well and if, for some reason, it doesn’t, just let it go ’cause shit happens.

Well, there it goes, I do hope that by posting this I could remember them and avoid them promptly. It was fun and after the talk, I felt that I could’ve talked about a lot more things, I wanted to do it again someday but I hope that when that time comes, I’ve had enough confidence and become wittier to make the attendees not fall asleep on me. :)

Because I’m lazy like that.

Meme: Define Love Without Using the Cliche Versions

A meme that’s a few months old from Ely because he knows I’m a cynic and these kinds of exercises are best done by people like me. Other people will argue, however, that I’m just bitter but why should I listen to them, yes? I am not bitter, I are cynical, get it?! Good. (And yes, talking to myself is one of my hobbies, so go run in the corner or something)

Anyway, going back, that means “Love is like a rosary because it’s full of mystery” and “Love is blind” (no matter how true) is out of the question. I tried thinking of it for a full two hours and then I gave up, it’s just too hard!

I gave it some more thought again and let me tell you, this is the best thought that ever came to this useless meat sitting within my skull, which we call brain, since I was born:

Love sux.

Fitting isn’t it? LOL Of course that was a joke (why do I tell jokes which only I find amusing? Not laughing at other people’s jokes to make them feel better should be illegal, I’m just saying…) OK, so let’s try that again…

Love is a fleeting feeling which introduces romance, leads to relationships and ends in either marriage or break up. Or both. Or both. Or both.

I say it’s good enough. So on to tag other people, let the lurv go around! Let’s see… Rhiz, Liz, Joni, Tina and Ganns! Cooperate people! :)

Meme: Mother’s Day

It’s a week old, but I believe that everyday should be treated as mother’s day because our mothers do not only assume the role of being our mothers every 2nd week of May. (Nice, no? :D) So here’s my take on Joni’s meme:

Mama and I are not really photogenic so my apology to those who have just eaten or are currently eating while reading this, let it be known that the offense was not meant. hehe

Seriously, my Mom and I did not have the perfect daughter-mother relationship before, I don’t why and I don’t know when it stopped either. What I do know is that whatever happened, I’m glad it did because now Mama and I have become closer and we tell each other anything whenever we have the time. I love her to pieces and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world.

I was just thinking the other day that right now, I can say that I’m very happy because almost everything in my life’s in place already. The company I’m working for is just terrific, my family’s great, my parents are getting fatter again (LOL) and my brothers and sisters are doing OK with their lives as well. I just hope that I don’t do anything to mess this up, but knowing myself I’d do something to create havoc. Oh, yes, I’m a professional in that department.

The Song

While I was in my emo mode last week because of some matters concerning my friends, I talked to Mito (seriously, Rhiz, you should give this guy more workload, he has way too much time in his hands as it is LOL) and he asked me what is the sweetest song for me. That time, I couldn’t think of anything else but Switchfoot’s cover of Beyonce’s Crazy in Love some may say that it’s awkward, but for me… It’s just.. perfect. When Beyonce did that all I could hear was “I’m trash!”

Anyway… while listening to some of the songs I have, I realized that there’s a better song and if sung by a girl or it was for me, that’d feel great! It was from 3rd Eye Blind and it’s called She Likes Me for Me (I researched it and according to 1 more than 1 sites, this is the correct lyrics, emphasis mine, it doesn’t mean it had to be sung louder):

She don’t care about my car,
And she don’t care about my money,
And that’s real good cause I don’t got a lot to spend,
But if I did it would mean nothing.

She likes me for me,
Not because I look like Tyson Bedford,
With the charm of Robert Redford,
Oozing out my ears,
What she sees,
Are my most rending decisions,
My insecure conditions,
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed.

She don’t care about my big screen,
Or my collection of dvds,
Things like that just never mattered much to her,
Plus she don’t watch too much tv.

She dont care that I could fly her,
To places she ain’t ever been,
If she really wants to go,
I think deep down she knows that,
All she has to say is when.

She likes me for me,
Not because I hang with Leonardo,
Or that guy who played in fargo,
I think his name was steve.
Shes the one for me,
And I just can’t live without her,
My arms belong around her,
And I’m so glad I found her once again,
And I’m so glad I found her once again,
Yeah I’m so glad I found her once again.

Gazing at the ceiling,
As we entertain our feelings in the dark,
Things that we’re afraid of,
Are gonna show us what we’re made of in the end.

She likes me for me,
Not because I sing like Pavarotti,
Or because I’m such a hottie.(sigh)

I like her for her,
Not because she’s phat like Cindy Crawford,
She has got so much to offer,
Why does she waste all her time with me?
There must be something there that I don’t see,
I don’t see.

She likes me for me,
Not because I’m tough like Dirty Harry,
Make her laugh just like Jim Carrey,
I’m like the cable guy,
But what she sees,
Is that I cant live without her,
My arms belong around her,
And I’m so glad I found her once again,
I found her once again,
Once again,
Yeah I’m so glad I found her once again.

And yes, of course I just contradicted myself that I’m a cynic when it comes to love, well, that is a nice song! You should listen to it, I love 3rd Eye Blind.

La lang, just felt like sharing it :D <3

Philosophical Thingamajig

As I’ve said before, I was on emo mode last week and I put “Emotions, they complicate life” as my status message in Adium, this one guy who used to be my chat buddy until he got so caught up with his work and family life buzzed me and told me that he’s happy that I’m now “emotionally messed up”. Of course, I asked why and what he told me was because before it seems like I’m a robot! LOL

He said that being emotional is good for me because it just confirms that yes, I’m human and that I have feelings too! But truth to tell, my emotions are like roller coaster, one day I’m at the peak of happiness then the next I’m very, very depressed, then most of the times, I question my sanity; I just don’t want to let anyone else know because:

1. I’m afraid that I might bore the one I’m talking to
2. I tend to repeat myself over and over and over and over and– when I’m sad
3. I get depressed over the smallest things, like if I couldn’t find my glasses
4. I have serious trust issues

We ended up in his favorite (and naturally my most hated) topic which is my lovelife or rather, lack thereof. He said that before, it seems like I’m a robot who doesn’t really care about guys much or getting into relationships and that all I could think about is work and that being emotional is OK. And of course, his favorite line — “You should get yourself a guy because you’re not getting any younger and you’re past your prime already.” Pressure much? LOL

It’s not like I don’t really care about guys and getting into relationships, it’s just that I feel like I’m not ready for a commitment or to be in a relationship, or I guess that’s what I want myself to believe. Work has been and will always be one of my top priorities, I just love what I do so much that I can’t stop thinking about it.

Besides, it’s not like I get to meet a lot of guys! When I said that, he told me, “then it’s not within your circle, you should expand it so you’d find someone.” I complained that everyone’s taken, gay, both, not within my reach (e.g. Johnny Depp) or all of the above. And he said I’m too negative which is pretty obvious IMO.

Why, how, when, what, where?!

Ugh, why do we need this anyway?… :(